It was only when I ordered a certified copy of the registry to get married that I learned that my maternal grandfather and I were not related by blood. I remember the look on my mother's face when I told her about it!
My real grandfather died in the atomic bombing. I was 23 years old when I learned this fact.
I had a vague feeling that something was wrong. Apparently, my sister had known about it since she was in high school, but I guess she and my family kept it a secret so that I would not know. When I found out about it, many things became clear to me, and I felt relieved. However, I was terrified that the atomic bomb I had been so feared so much now felt so close.
My mother would occasionally tell me about the various circumstances of the atomic bombing, but I was already married and living far away from my parents' house, so I felt as if I was a stranger to her stories. I still dreaded the atomic bombing, and I hated the summers that reminded me of it.
When I was over 30, I met an older woman through knitting. At the time, I was traveling back and forth between the Kanto and Kansai regions, and she was hosting a farewell party for me as I was moving out of the area, so we had dinner together.
It was likely by chance that I mentioned the atomic bombing and my grandfather. She got excited and said that it was something that I should tell the world as a person who was involved in the atomic bombing.
A person involved. It was a term that had a big impact on me. Am I evil for running away? No, it is not a problem for me to protect myself. The term “a person involved” confronts me every time summer comes. I feel that I have been thinking about it for 20 years.
In 2024, the Japan Council of A-bomb Sufferers was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. In connection with this, there were various special programs on TV in Japan, and I happened to see scenes of high school peace ambassadors and university students working hard. I was of course impressed by their activities, but I was also surprised that I was able to watch the mushroom cloud video all the way through. Yes, getting older meant becoming desensitized. I didn't seem to be that scared anymore.
At that point, I had not been able to take any action as a person involved, but with this essay, I feel as if I have overcome another barrier. To be honest, I still dislike both oleander and black kites.
There was a time when my mother went around researching my own grandfather. One relative had a picture of my grandfather, and I had a chance to look at it. To my shock, my grandfather looked exactly like my mother. And he looked like me too, of course. I now believe that this is what it means to be a person involved.